Dear watchers!
I really need your input right now. And i ask that you use your heads, not your hearts, when you offer that input. It may not sound like much, but this is a serious matter for me, and the choice i'll end up making will have consequences for my immediate life.
So only reply after reading {NOT "just skimming"}, understanding, and THINKING please.

Heara just called.
Some of you know, but most don't: Heara is a company i used to work for. Tutoring roleplaying classes for children. Basically, DMing for money; to kids. Sounds right down my alley, right? Not that simple, though:
When i worked for them, it was quite some time {a year? I'm not sure} before my final fall. I started to grow worse and worse at it, which was especially problematic since i was the guy whom they gave any groups that other tutors could not handle. So any slip with one of MY groups was a much more serious business than it would be with a more vanilla group.
So yeah, my deterioration ended in the only way it could and i got fired. Wasn't pretty. Now that i think of it, the impact of my degradation on the more basic stuff {like remembering when and where i need to be, et c} probably contributed more to the decision of firing me, than its impact on my actual work performance. The sad thing is i actually earned it {for the latter reason} long before they actually fired me {mainly for the former reason}.

Some of you may not know this: since that time, although i kept growing worse, i was pretty much ignoring it and persisted in my attempts to function like a normal human.
I got a perfect job at some point and i was great at it, until my total breakdown {not the right word for it, but explaining will be too long and painful} came. After that breakdown {and the short time i consequently spent at a closed ward in the loony bin}, i was no good for anything and my pretending-i'm-normal days seemed over.
I've been struggling to get help, to varying degrees of success, but searching for work again seemed, and still seems, like utter madness {Ha!}.

But now i suddenly get a call. Minor details dropped, it was: "Hello, Daniel. I'm [name] from Heara, and i see that you've worked for us in the past. Would you be interested in coming back?"
I asked for time to consider her offer. I am expected to call back tomorrow.

The obvious question is WHAT do i do?
Searching for job and attempting an interview would be madness, sure enough, but now it seems like she's offering me the job on a silver plate, so it reduces the question to whether i can handle the job itself or not {yes, i am perfectly aware of how ridiculously pathetic i sound, thank you very much}.
I suddenly feel as though new insights and other things will make it possible to make it work. But i also know how illusory this feeling can often be: when things get real, the brain fog and all the other cognitive problems press hard, there's nothing to do about them on a short-term scale, when they're already there. The psychological WALL is... well, i've said everything about it in a poem. One good shrink seemed to be saying she knows exactly what to do about it, just before the time i was allowed with her ended. I'm not even taking into account here the many problems that are actually manageable {unlike the two mentioned} or those that aren't understood enough yet to predict them.

If i go for it, and it miraculously works out - it'll be an enormous step towards getting back on my feet for me. But if i do and it fails {which, hate this fact as i may, is logically FAR more likely} - that'll be yet another powerful strike, and i've already {as my current situation indicates} taken more such strikes than i can take.
Granted, i don't really think my ability to fight for getting help would be diminished even further {hardly possible} by such a blow. Only my ability to live {in the sense that is VERY distinct from "to exist"}.

So yeah, i'm open to suggestions.
Just, before you post a dismissive "Go for it! I'm sure you'll do fine!", please ask yourself, what you base this certainty on. If you don't - i will. This is not DAS.

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______________________________

[UPDATE]

I've practically reached a decision. The decision is to take it. Can't call today, as it's too late now, but tomorrow should be possible {or Sunday, if they don't work Fridays this year}

But their table of opening hours isn't the only thing preventing me from making that call.
I don't even know how to explain it. I pretty much made the choice, but i need someone to hold my hand through this. And yes, i know i sound pitiful, but this is what's left. I can't do it on my own. I don't just mean the call itself, but the whole thing with bringing this decision into action.

There's no more i can say harmlessly about it all. Gonna try calling my father. Maybe something he says will give me more confidence.

Input is still very welcome. Anyone who knows me to any extent, and hasn't commented yet - your thoughts will be very appreciated!

* * *

[moar update]

Too tired to reply properly now. Those i haven't responded to yet - will be responded to, soon as i can.

Thank you all for the input. It all helped me come to a decision. And now, ~Genny-Raskin's and Gal's posts have {from two completely different angles} added something that was missing. It is even possible that i'll be able to make the call alone now. The two of you are full of awesome.

Yesterday, Spooky offered to hold me through this: we were planning for me to come over on sunday, then make the call under her aegis. Of course, i forgot to take into account that i'm a fucking reta-- that i have appointments with the {hostile-minded} social worker and the {useless} shrink on that day, making it out of the question for me to go to another city on that morning, seeing as my chances of getting a rebilitation program are contingent on these appointments. I was reminded of that about an hour ago.

So my only chance is if i manage to do it on my own tomorrow. The two of you made that chance tangible. I'll post with the results, of course.

I have no idea how much time they're willing to wait. They don't work weekends, but it's possible my lack of reply on Thursday already closed that door. However, if this door is not so eager to slam shut - then maybe a failure tomorrow would not be final and i'll be able to try {with a volunteer's help} on the next day.
Meh, we'll see.

* * *

[FINAL UPDATE]
It is done.
She added me to the list, which the company uses to assess how many available mentors they have. She'll contact me at the beginning of August, when they start to divide these between the clients they'll have.
So, until then - it's back to playing whack-a-thought, i suppose. Which has become harder, owing to the addition of new factors.
Oh CRAP, i'm becoming a blogger. >_<

Anyway, big thanks to those who helped me with the decision and with gaining the strength to do it. Feature time!









Not being on dA, Gal and another friend of mine cannot be featured, but i'm no less grateful to them. :=}
There were a few whose opinion i was really hoping to hear, both on dA and off it... but i suppose they were busy at the time.